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The Hugging Tree An Adventure With Uncertainty by Kelsey Collins |
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In recent years, considerable material has been written about the grieving process. I have learned that there are no short cuts to grieving fully. And, I have found, without grieving fully, the blessings from the loss continue to elude us as surely as ships passing in the night. This is as sad for the griever as it is for the one who died, who is eager to connect to us, to let us know they are alive and well, happy and filled with joy. As a culture, generally addicted to fast everything, we frequently succumb to the well-intentioned encouragement of family and friends to get on with our life after the death of a loved one. Astoundingly, this level of naïve encouragement comes only a few months after the loss occurred. We begin to doubt ourselves and feel the pull to conform. Long before we are ready to fully comprehend the larger meaning of the loss or discover our new identity without the loved one's physical presence, we find ourselves packing away the grief on the back shelves of our emotional closet, along with all the other unexpressed emotional baggage in our personal history. There it sits, misunderstood, as untouched emotional yearning for years, even for lifetimes. When my beloved son, Chase, chose to take his life a week after his twenty-eighth birthday, that choice, however unconsciously motivated, was very real. It was his third attempt at suicide. His method, with a shotgun, would insure his intention would not fail. There were no phone calls, alerting me to his intention, asking for help. We had not spoken in nearly a month. I will never know if he received or opened his birthday gift. I knew he was in deep emotional trouble, even deeper spiritual trouble, as he rarely looked to a Higher Power for help or guidance or comfort. That was also his choice. And, I knew and trusted that he always had the capacity to choose life, to choose love, if he desired it enough. I knew that I couldn't save him, that I couldn't heal him, even though it took me nearly a year of intense bereavement to believe that in my heart instead of from an intellectual knowing. The heart may reside only a couple of feet from the intellectual portion of our head, but the distance can seem like a million miles when we are learning to define a new reality for ourselves. Although many cherished people in my life have died: both my mother and father, dear, close friends, my son, and most recently, the daughter whom I gave up for adoption thirty three years ago (read Aileen's Story), it was my son's tragic death that offered me the greatest, most insightful opportunity (and, hence, the greatest gift) to understand loss, the grief process and a new awareness of death. I now celebrate on the anniversary of Chase's passing, July 24th, choosing to open my heart to feel his nonphysical presence, his love, his extraordinary support for me as I continue here on my own journey - not in spite of his death, but because of it. Recently, he let me know through Brian Hurst, a gentle, loving channeler in Los Angeles, how happy and thrilled he is that I know he isn't "dead." I understood completely what he meant, although to some that may sound as if I am in denial. The young man I knew as my brilliant, gifted, sensitive, handsome son is no longer on this earth. The exquisite being I know as my brilliant, gifted, sensitive, beautiful child continues to live on, however, sharing all those contributions with many others, all over the world. Where did he go? He is everywhere. If you are reading this website, I will assume you may have lost a significant loved one. I encourage you to grieve fully, if you haven't already. If done passionately, grief can heal the soul. The loss of our loved ones helps us heal. On some level they knew that their death would, after an intense mourning period and truthful introspection, contribute to our healing. It is their gift to you. I encourage you to love yourself as much as you loved the one who died. They love you that much. When you are ready, I encourage you to see the gifts your loved one's passing has brought to you. Please, if you choose, share your stories here and with as many people as you feel comfortable. Your loved one is not dead. They sit just behind your right shoulder as you read this. They peak at you from behind the trees when you walk through nature. They giggle at you when you feel self-conscious or incapable, whispering in your ear how loved you are. They hold your hand when you cry alone in the dark in your room at night. They wink at you a thousand times in the dark starry night sky. They speak to you in a hawk's cry, a whale’s mournful song and a wolf’s alerting howl. They are only a belief away, the belief that knows they are alive and everywhere you are, listening to you, holding you, loving you, perhaps even more than when they were here on earth. They want you to stop blaming, yourself, or anyone else, for their death, regardless of the circumstances, regardless of their age, regardless of the unfairness of it all. They want you to accept that there was a purpose, an often-mysterious reason that they left this world that was good and right for them and for you. Your blame prevents you from receiving their comfort, their blessings, and their love. They want you to feel your guilt fully, and then let it go. Forever. Your guilt prevents you from receiving their comfort, their blessings and their love. They want you to know and trust, in your heart, that they live on, differently than we can comprehend, but they live on, surrounded by loving beings, with great Divine purpose. They want you to do the same. Honor them by living your life with great Divine purpose. Blessings,
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